The Trust And Belief In Yourself

February 16, 2013 by traceypallett | 3 Comments

Let me tell you a little story. This story may contain triggers.

Once upon a time there was this young girl called Tracey. She was brought up to believe that if there was ever a problem that was going on in her life then finding a bloke would resolve the it, no matter what the problem was. So when she went through a breakdown, started self harming and felt suicidal she went on the hunt for a man.

Turns out a man was looking for her. Though this man wasn’t looking for her personality, looks or charm, he saw that huge sign above her head that shouted “VULNERABLE”. He made her feel special, loved and wanted. So much so that she never saw the truth behind why he was there.

Slowly over a period of a year he had introduced her to heroin, made her push her friends away and sold items from her flat. Piece by piece the flat became empty and she even had lost her job and car. He made her believe that she didnt deserve any of these possessions as she was a bad soul.

Things got worse. He would beat her repeatedly, sexually abuse her and do other harmful things to her (which she is thankful to her brain for blocking out such badness). All the time saying that she deserved it because she was just there or had done something minute that was so very very wrong. As this went on over the next year or so, she would expect the abuse as she knew she had done wrong. She would even ask for the beatings because she deserved to be punished for simply being alive.

On her third stay in prison, she was about to self harm again until she stopped and realised something. She realised that her body didnt deserve this self inflicted damage. She realised that she didnt deserve to be beaten. She didn’t deserve the torture that this man gave her through every day of being with him.

She deserved to be treated with respect. She has never self harmed since.

It took a few days for this reality to kick in and after time she realised that one way of stopping people from hurting her was to take down the vulnerability sign. Not show people that she was damaged inside. Not allow people to come into her life that would take advantage of her good heart, no matter how deeply hidden it was from all the pain.

Tracey started to believe in herself, that she was worthy of this life and it was her life for the taking. She was the person that was ultimately responsible for the happiness that she craved so much. It was time for Tracey to take the steps in to starting to respect herself.

It was a long journey that followed. Learning to trust in people to help her when she needed it most. To have the strength to make life changing decisions where the end goal was happiness and allowing her the ability to believe in herself.

There is a happy ending to this story. Tracey is now at Med School, something that people from her past would never have allowed to happen. Though this is because she believes in herself and surrounds herself with people that stand by her and support her.

Please, take note of this message. You are valuable. You do deserve happiness. You do have the strength to make a change. Believe in yourself and you can reach the highest of dreams.